Summary: Post-col. Part of the Leonard Cohen collection of stories.

TITLE: ALEXANDRA LEAVING (1 of 1)

AUTHOR: DAVID HEARNE

CLASSIFICATION: Post-col

RATING: R

SPOILERS: Mythology in general

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Leonard Cohen seems to be the inner voice of "The X-Files." When I
heard "In My Secret Life," I thought, "What a perfect MSR song." I
knew that I would write a fic based on the song, even though it ended
up being about William.

"In My Secret Life" comes off Cohen's latest album. I've been
listening to the other songs and feeling inspired by them as well. I
decided to write a series of stories based on this album. Each fic can
be read independently as well as in the order in which they were
written. All of them are set in the post-colonization world.

Cohen's lyrics are quoted at the end.

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"Have you ever wanted a child, Marita?"

"Not in the world we have now."

"I don't mean right now in the present. I mean, did you *ever* want a
child?"

"Oh. Well...no."

Dana Scully nodded. "I did. However, for the first time, I'm wondering
about the reasons why."

Scully and Marita Covarrubias stood outside the fort. With its walls
made of scrap metal, the fort didn't appear to be a safe place.
However, on December 19th of 2012, the people inside the fort were as
well-protected as any group could be.

As the two women looked at the plains which led to Southern
California, Scully said, "After I recovered from the cancer, I
realized that I had been pushing people away for most of my life. I
wanted to let somebody in. And who better than a child?"

Scully looked down at the ground. The noonday sun heightened the lines
on her face. "Who better...?" she mumbled.

"There was Mulder."

"Right. Handsome, passionate, caring Mulder..." She raised her head.
"Mulder who suspected that tests were being done on my ova, but didn't
tell me."

"You didn't know that at the time."

"No, but I suspected...deep down...that he was capable of hiding such
things from me. That he was far gone into his obsessions and personal
hurts." Scully paused, then added, "Besides...I had already enough
experience with a man who could overwhelm your life, not to mention
your better judgment."

"You mean Daniel."

"Right. Therefore I wanted a child so my life wouldn't be all about
Mulder." Scully looked at her watch.

"What time is it?" Marita asked.

"Almost twelve-thirty."

"Can you tell me now what we're waiting for?"

"You'll see soon." Scully crossed her arms over her old green shirt.
"Of course, it was also about taking back what was stolen from me. I
was violated in a very...very personal way. I wanted to show *them*
that they couldn't leave me barren." A tight smile formed on Scully's
mouth, heightening the lines on her face even more. "Of course, that's
what they were counting on. Smart set of bastards."

"Who are 'they?'"

Scully turned to Marita with a puzzled look. "What?"

"Who are 'they' exactly?"

"Uh, the Syndicate, remember? Your former bosses?"

"What I mean is...what if the Syndicate itself was being used by a
greater power? What if they were just the tools to help create a
new..."

Scully laughed. It had been awhile since she had last laughed. Marita
felt uncomfortable.

"Oh, Marita, Marita...don't tell me you're getting religion."

"I'm not getting religion. I'm trying to understand what..."

"A 'greater power,'" Scully snorted. "Where did you get this idea?"
All signs of humor (however bitter) abruptly left her face as Scully
said, "Mulder?"

"From Mulder...through Gibson. Mulder said..."

"I know what Mulder thinks -- that William might be some kind of
entity which used my womb as a convenient door."

"Is that what you believe?"

Scully looked toward the horizon. "Am I supposed to believe in
something?" she grumbled.

Marita then noticed that Scully wasn't wearing her crucifix. "Have you
lost your faith in God?" she asked softly.

"Not only is my faith dead, I've pissed on the grave."

"Well...that makes me sad."

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Marita."

Before Marita could respond, Scully yanked a walkie-talkie off her
belt. "Outpost One, Outpost One," she barked into the receiver. "Do
you see anyone approaching?"

A voice hesitantly responded through the walkie-talkie. "Uh...no. I
still don't see..."

"Let me know the absolute second you do," Scully commanded, then
hooked the walkie-talkie back on her belt. Judging from the angry look
on Scully's face, Marita assumed that the conversation was over.
However, after a few moments of silence, Scully reproved her again --

"Don't get pulled down in this bullshit, Marita. I'm counting on you
to run this place right when Mulder and I are gone. Don't make this
about God."

"I'm just saying that...there was a time when you cared about such
things."

"Yeah. That's right. I prayed on my fucking deathbed with a fucking
rosary and a fucking priest and everything. And look what it got me."

"I don't think it's supposed to 'get' you anything..."

"Oh, but I *did* get something. A miracle baby. A baby who is such a
goddamned miracle that the fate of the entire world rests in his
hands. I couldn't just have a *son*."

"So what you're saying is...you're angry with God."

"Look at the world. Who shouldn't be angry with God?" Scully aimed her
gaze at Marita. "Why the hell am I arguing about this with *you*? How
did you get pulled down into this crap? Has Mulder twisted your brain
as well?"

"No. Gibson has."

Scully stared at Marita for one more second, then slowly turned her
eyes back to the horizon. Marita continued talking in a gentle
voice --

"I kind of argued this same issue with Gibson a few days ago. We were
talking about hope. There are people who believe that The
Wander...that William will be our savior. Gibson said that hope is
necessary. I said that it's more often impractical."

Marita moved a little closer to Scully who still wasn't looking at
her. "But I've been thinking," Marita said, "that if William is the
one who can stop the colonists, then your pain wasn't for nothing."

Scully turned her face toward Marita, but looked at her neck and not
her eyes. "I don't know which way William will jump," she said.

"Neither do I. But can you accept the possibility that he was intended
for a greater purpose?"

Scully finally looked at Marita's eyes and said, "All I know is that
if William really isn't my child...if I was just used as a door for a
higher being to enter the world...then you couldn't convict me for
killing him, right?"

Marita stepped back with her mouth open.

"Outpost One to Leader! Outpost One to Leader!"

With a calm expression, Scully spoke into the walkie-talkie. "Leader
here."

"A FEMA chopper is heading this way! We're loaded and ready to..."

"Don't do a thing, Outpost One. Let them through. I repeat, let them
through. Is that clear?"

After a moment of static, the other voice said flatly, "Clear."

Then Scully gave Marita a little smile.

"I radioed a message to FEMA. The message must have gotten all the way
to William. And I guess...like me...he wants to know if I'm his true
mother."

Scully walked away from Marita and toward the distant sound of chopper
blades.

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"It's not a trick, your senses all deceiving,
"A fitful dream, the morning will exhaust --
"Say goodbye to Alexandra leaving.
"Then say goodbye to Alexandra lost."

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