Welcome To The Harem
Slow Dance, Blue Light by Shahara Zade
Summary: Post-Requiem. Schmoop on a angst stick and fun with oblique dialogue. Krycek/Marita, R.
Title: Slow Dance, Blue Light Author: Shahara Zade Summary: Post-Req. schmoop on an angst stick and fun with oblique dialogue. Notes: Dedicated to Satina who let me rant at her so incoherently. Written for Pollyanna's Lyric Wheel. Thanks to Heather for the beta. Disclaimers: "Take It To the Limit" belongs to the Eagles. Krycek and Marita are CC's. The full bibliography would be longer than the fic, but the cage line belongs to T.W. * * * * * She shut the door behind her and leaned against it. "Nothing yet." It was a weirdly grand bedroom, in an otherwise unassuming suburban Portland safe-house. Blue silk covered the walls, and the sheets and pillows and curtains were blue silk, too. Alex sat in a blue velvet armchair, facing the window and the night. "I never should have let him go." He drained the contents of a crystal glass and reached for the bottle to refill it. In the process, the glass rolled off his knees where he had balanced it. It bounced, soundless on the blue Turkish carpet. He did not seem to notice. She crossed the room, pausing to dim the lamp in its upturned shell, and came to stand beside him at the window. She picked up the bottle and drank, too tired to find another glass. "We're still alive. That's something - isn't it? I find, these days, I want very much to live." She offered him the bottle, but he shrugged and stood and stalked away. "He was...well...what I had left to believe in. You know me," he chuckled without humor, "Always been a dreamer." She stared down into the bottle. "You're drunk, Alex." "Da. Pyani ee adeen." He sank onto the bed. "Alone? Being alone, that's the easy part," she said. "It's the being...being together again and more alone that makes it bad." He stretched out over the blue satin quilt, still clad in jacket and boots, like a plastic action figure. "Why are you looking at me like that, Marita? Aren't my seams straight?" "How much longer are you going to punish yourself? Wallow like this? I don't know how much more I can take." "Then go. The money in the Zurich account is yours anyway, take it and disappear." He pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and index finger, as if anticipating a headache. "Maybe I should, but I can't." "You'd be fine," he said. "We always are, in the end, aren't we, Alex?" She stood on one foot and then the other, slipping off her pumps. "We? *Is* there a we? Seems like we just occupy the same cage, mostly." She unzipped her skirt, letting it slide down over her hips, stripping without artifice. As if she were alone in the room. She kneeled on the bed, naked. Pale. "Maybe so, but it's too late for me. I know...I know you never believed it, but I..." She swallowed, not looking at him. "Don't bother, Marita. Not for me. Don't you have any self respect?" He seemed to withdraw into himself, ignoring her as she crawled up beside him. "Not much," she said. He let her wedge herself between his back and the curved mahogany headboard and pull him up, so his head rested against her breast. He didn't protest when she wrapped her arms around him. They lay quiet in the blue light, and then she said, "That's my problem, Alex. I *do* bother. I can't seem to stop bothering." He sighed and brought his hand over her fingers, tracing the contours. "We're a couple of clenched fists, you and I." She felt her breath hitch, involuntary. Painful. The thick sweet scent of the roses in the porcelain vase on the nightstand caught in her throat. "Marita...Marita, don't. I can't. Marita..." "I'm sorry," she whispered. "For what?" She couldn't see the crease between his brows, but she knew it was there. "I'm sorry that he could never...and you-" "Marita-" "I just know what it's like, that's all." "I wish-" he began. "Me too. God, I'm so burned out, Alex. So tired. It keeps turning out the same, the lies and broken promises - never meant to be kept. The manipulation, the games. It's cost most everything I ever gave a damn about. And I'm just tired and sorry." He shuddered, as if waking up. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it, as she sniffed and hiccuped. He turned in her arms and kissed her cheek, then the tip of her nose. As she started to speak, he kissed her mouth, lightly. Tentative. Almost not at all. "Hear the rain on the roof?" He asked. "It's just like Karaganda, remember?" She rested her forehead against his, breathing more even. "Yes." "And the birds on the balcony?" "Yes." She smiled a little and ran a hand over the fabric of his shirt, undoing buttons, then stopped. "I know this isn't...I know it's not the same. He-" "Don't. Don't think of it that way. It's fine. You're fine. Better than fine." His voice was softer and more vulnerable than she had heard it in years. "If it all went to hell, if it all fell to pieces tomorrow...you...you would-" "Yes," she answered. "Yes." Her fingers closed around his tightly, and the dance was slow and blue and sad and tired. So tired. THE END Thanks to Summer for the lyrics: Take It To The Limit All alone at the end of the of the evening And the bright lights have faded to blue I was thinking 'bout a woman who might have Loved me and I never knew You know I've always been a dreamer (spent my life running 'round) And it's so hard to change (Can't seem to settle down) But the dreams I've seen lately Keep on turning out and burning out And turning out the same So put me on a highway And show me a sign And take it to the limit one more time You can spend all your time making money You can spend all your love making time If it all fell to pieces tomorrow Would you still be mine? And when you're looking for your freedom (Nobody seems to care) And you can't find the door (Can't find it anywhere) When there's nothing to believe in Still you're coming back, you're running back You're coming back for more So put me on a highway And show me a sign And take it to the limit one more time Take it to the limit Take it to the limit Take it to the limit one more time
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