Summary: A peek inside the mind of Yves and her constant struggle. See also Cupid's Puppet. Yves/Jimmy.

Title : Love or Destruction?
Author : sKiTzO sHy SeVeN
http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=29763
Rating : PG
Summary : A peek inside the mind of Yves and her constant struggle

~*~

He's an incompetent idiot with nothing on his mind except TV shows and some naive notion that he can save the world or something. Almost all his statements are made with the air of idiocity behind them, never do they hold some intelligent thought. All his discoveries are accidents made by some flaw caused by this stupidity, for he wouldn't know what to look for if it smacked him in the head. He's completely oblivious to the obvious, and he doesn't know the most blatant lie from the most obvious truth. He's forever screwing things up. He's very much the stereotypical blonde airhead.

And yet, I can't hate him.

I love him.

But I can't let myself.

Oh it's obvious he cares for me. I don't mean to sound over confident, but it's true. It's so obvious he feels for me you could be Jimmy and still see it....

Maybe...

I don't know *what* I see in him. I mean, he's sweet, sure. He's funny, okay. And maybe he's a little admirable in his attempts to "save the world", but I've never been attracted to men like that. I've always been the type of girl that likes the dangerous, powerful, brilliant, take charge (just as long as he doesn't try and take charge of *me*) kind of guy and any other was just like.... Ugh... For lack of a better word. Now here comes this innocent, sweet, naive, mind lacking guy and I fall head over heels for him. I want nothing more than for him to hold me, kiss me, and whisper those sweet words that fill his jelly filled head into my ear.

But I can't let him.

It'll destroy me.

I sit down sometimes and try to tell myself not to love him, not to want those things I want so bad. Sometimes I convince myself but soon the Lone Gunmen will need my help or I'll run into them, and I see Jimmy in all his loveliness and perfection and all I've told myself, all I've convinced myself of, is undone, and I'm left wanting him again. Often I'm left wanting his touch more than before.

If I let myself fly into his arms I'll lose all I've ever worked for. Everything I've earned for myself, everything that's laying before me. It'll all be gone in a matter of seconds. To hear him whisper those three words in my ear, to feel his arms around me... I'll get lost in those arms. So lost I will *never* be able to find my way out again.

In my line of work you can't care about anything but yourself and the power you want or possess. You can't stop and think, "Will I hurt this person?". You have to just do it and not care about the consequences. Stopping and thinking will make you lose. Big time.

So I'm left staring at him when he's not looking and dreaming about his touch as I lay in my bed at night. My heart is left aching for his heart, my lips for his. Hell, my whole body for his body. I love him and my soul weeps without him.

But despite all this pain, I keep my distance. I have to. I have to. I have to.

I just wish it wasn't so hard.

~*~



Fin