Summary: What if Mulder wasn't the only one who could see him? Krycek/Marita, PG, The Truth.

Understanding
By Julie L Jekel

Disclaimers: Are they still not mine? Are you sure? Did you check
Chris Carter's will? You know, for anything like "in the event of the
series ending, all characters shall revert to Azar"? ;-) *sigh* All
right, all right, if you insist. Characters appearing in this story
not mine. Interpretations mine.

Rating: PG, probably

Category: VRA

Archive: Gossamer, Ephemeral, the Harem...anywhere else please ask.

Feedback: azarsuerte@hotmail.com

Spoilers: "The Truth"

Note: An exploration of my favorite moment in the episode.

Acknowledgments: My beta, Shahara Zade. :-) And to all the wives--
especially the Skampers--at the Harem.

Summary: What if Mulder *wasn't* the only one who could see Alex
Krycek in that courtroom? Marita POV.


"Understanding"
by Julie L. Jekel

He has been beside me since the day I lost him. The irony of that is
not lost on me, that after all the betrayals and bitterness that
passed between us in life, in death he chose to return to my side.

At first I thought it was my imagination, loss and regrets pressing
upon a heart already strained to the breaking point, snapping the
thread that bound me to reality. Until I began to notice the evidence
he left behind. That on nights when I felt his arms around me as I
cried myself to sleep, there was a second indentation in my pillows.
That one of the white roses I had left on his grave reappeared in my
living room in a crystal bud vase he'd purchased for me in Austria.

I remember I cried again when I realized he was real. Cried for the
reconciliation we never reached before he died.

And I remember he held me and told me he understood.

I imagine that the dead understand many things in a way that we, the
living, never truly can. Perhaps that's why I still fear it so much,
even knowing that Alex waits for me. There are too many things I do
not want to understand.

I don't want to understand why Alex has chosen to help the men who
killed him.

He understands that too: I can see it in his eyes as he watches me
here in this courtroom. There is something in his eyes now that I
don't know if I would have ever seen there while he lived--
forgiveness. He forgave me for Dmitri. He forgave me telling him I
would have left him to rot in Tunisia. And he forgives me now for
sitting here speechless in this seat while Skinner interrogates me,
growing more and more frustrated that I can't bring myself to voice
what he knows I know.

In this moment I hate Walter Skinner. I hate him for shooting Alex. I
hate him for expecting me to give him anything but contempt. I hate
him for having the audacity to believe that, like the rest of them, I
would give my very soul to save Mulder. I have no soul left to give:
they put two bullets through it beneath the Hoover building a year
ago.

But I despise myself for not knowing whether it is hate or fear that
keeps me silent.

And Alex forgives me for it.

I see him step away from the wall. I see him approach Mulder and
touch his shoulder. I see Mulder lift his head and see him. And then
I hear his words: "They'll kill her."

Then I see Mulder understand. And in understanding, grant me my
reprieve.

This is what you took from me, Fox Mulder, you and your trusted
counsel. You have no right to ask anything else.


FIN