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Welcome To The Harem
Showers, Agents And Videotape by Dennalynn
Summary: Mulder and Skinner see something never meant for their eyes. Implied M/S and Skinner/Kim. PG, humour.
From: "Deenalynn" Date: Wed, 24 Nov 1999 13:33:37 -0800 Subject: New: Showers, Agents and Videotape by Deenalynn Source: xff Title: Showers, Agents, and Videotape Author: Deenalynn Author's E-Mail: dee@sunwave.net Category: SRH Keywords: M/S UST Sk/O UST Rating: PG-13 for language Spoilers: Nothing overt but assumes knowledge through season six. Archive: Yes, please! Feedback: Yes, please! Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox Broadcasting. I am none of the above. This and the rest of my stories may be found at: Deenalynn's FanficCorner http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/5783/index.html Summary: Mulder and Skinner see something never meant for their eyes. J. Edgar Hoover Building Washington, D.C. Monday, 8:12 a.m. "Sir, you wanted to see me?" Fox Mulder entered his superior's office. Skinner looked puzzled. "I received a message that you wanted to see me, Mulder." "When I got here this morning, there was a note on my door saying to come to your office immediately." Mulder pulled the note from his pocket and handed it to his boss. "I didn't leave this, Muld-" Skinner was interrupted by a knock on his door. This was what he got for arriving before Kimberly. "Come in," he barked. It was a young man from the mail room. "Sir, I was told you needed to see this right away." He handed Skinner a padded envelope and left quickly, intimidated by the man's scowl. Mulder smirked at the big man. "Do you do that to the entire clerical staff?" Skinner just looked at him and opened the envelope. It was a videotape. The note attached to the tape read: I thought you and Agent Mulder might find this more than just a bit interesting. Skinner handed the note to Mulder, who just shrugged and moved to the VCR. "Why don't we take a look and see what's going on?" The TV screen flickered to life. The first scene showed a tastefully decorated living room. The picture tilted wildly as a woman's voice asked, "Are you sure there's enough battery power left in this thing? I don't want it to run out." "Here, I'll double-check if it will help you relax," a man answered. "Thanks, honey, but then you have to get out of here. They'll be here soon and believe me, this isn't going to be any place for a man once they all arrive." The woman's face appeared in front of the camera. "That's Angela Ross from Sci Crime," Mulder said as he recognized the woman. "Why would Agent Ross be sending us a videotape?" Skinner asked. "I don't know, Sir. I do know that Scully went to her bridal shower on Saturday night." Mulder looked at the time stamp in the corner of the screen then turned to look at Skinner. "Why would someone send *us* a tape of a bridal shower?" "Why don't we finish watching it and see, Mulder?" Alexandria, VA. The previous Saturday, 9:20 p.m. It stands to reason that when you get a group of women together, one of the most frequent topics of conversation is going to be men. Factor in that all of the women at the shower worked together in the Hoover Building's testosterone-laden halls, and the tone of the conversation was pretty predictable. "Yeah, Nate Moore has a great ass, but there's something a little icky about his eyes. Have you ever noticed that?" Gloria Daniels waved her drink in the air to emphasize her opinion. "It's not just his eyes. He has a creepy smile, too," Angela, the bride, agreed. "The biggest problem with Nate is that he's a jerk. No matter how cute his ass is," Marion Lassiter stated firmly. The other women nodded their agreement. "Okay, so, if not Nate, then who?" Angela asked. "And does how big a jerk a guy is really have any bearing on how nice his ass is?" "I think it does. Think about it, if a guy is a real jerk, is he really all that attractive?" Kimberly Cook popped a cheese puff in her mouth. "This, from the woman who works for the hottest piece of brass in the whole FBI." Gloria grinned lasciviously. "Oh, please." Kim avoided the other woman's eyes. "Oh, please, my ass. He's gorgeous, Kim. Don't try and tell me you haven't noticed. You've worked for the man for what, eight years?" Gloria said, warming to her subject. "I never thought I'd find a bald guy hot, but all those muscles. Damn!" Kim snorted into her drink. Angela pounced on that. "You're gonna tell us that you've never noticed that chest, those shoulders? Get off it, Kim. How stupid do you think we are? I bet you could bounce quarters off *that* ass." "Ooh, I'd pay good money for that opportunity," Cynthia Collins giggled. Gloria laughed. "I bet we could sell tickets and make a fortune. Come one, come all, for the opportunity of a lifetime. Pay a dollar and bounce a quarter off the AD's yummy butt." The other women all collapsed with laughter. "Come on, you guys, he's my boss," Kim said plaintively. "Boss shmoss. He's hot, you're close and have a pulse, so give it up. Tell us about the *real* Walter Skinner." Gloria leaned in, taking a long drink from the pink concoction in her glass. Kim looked around the room, hoping to find an ally. All she found were twelve pairs of curious eyes. She sighed heavily, "I can't. He is my *boss*." "Who's going to tell him? I can just hear it now. 'Hey, Sir, a bunch of us got liquored up and Kim says she thinks you're cute.' Besides that, he's our boss too. So tell!" Angela said forcefully. "Actually, he's a great boss." The other women groaned. "Well, he is! He always *asks* me to do things, rarely gives orders. He always thanks me for staying late and coming in early. I get a great gift for Christmas and for my birthday, flowers and a day off. He really is great-- nice, considerate." She could see the others were not pleased with her. "Okay, Little Mary Sunshine, cut the crap. What is Walter Skinner really like?" Gloria's tone left no room for argument. Kim got mad. "Fine. You want to hear about the real Walter Skinner? He's wonderful. He always remembers the small stuff. He knows my mother's name and where she lives. He knows how many siblings I have and what their names are. He *always* remembers my birthday. He was sweet and caring and supportive when my father died and even offered to fly out with me for the funeral. He never *ever* hollers or barks at me the way he does everyone else. He makes me laugh. He tells a great joke and does a wicked impression of Jana Cassidy. He likes his coffee very strong and black. He loves my white chocolate macadamia nut cookies, so I make them for him and he hoards them like a little kid. He locks himself in his office for hours after any case involving children. He takes it personally every time one of his agents gets hurt. He thinks most of the upper brass he works with are pompous and loves to think up wild and elaborate excuses to miss meetings, which he never uses. He *hates* it when people are phony or play with him. He's smart and funny and good and honourable. He's sweet and kind and gentle in a way I never dreamed a man like him could be. Oh, and yes, he's so drop-dead gorgeous and sexy he makes my toes curl!" The other women were silent for a moment. Then Gloria said, "So . . . Kim, has he ever made a move on you?" "No," Kim answered forlornly. "Have you ever thought of making a move on him?" Gloria asked. "He's my boss!" "So you've mentioned. Wouldn't stop me. He's hot, you're gorgeous, he's single, you're interested. Why not? What do you have to lose?" Gloria took another drink. "My job." "Skinner is not going to fire you for making a pass at him. Please. I bet every woman here would love to be in your shoes." She looked around the room and saw ten nodding heads. She addressed the one woman who didn't seem to agree with her. "What, Dana, you wouldn't like to be 'called on the carpet' by the AD, given the opportunity?" Scully just smirked and shook her head. "Oh, come on, Dana, you gonna try and tell us you don't think the AD's hot?" Shari Little taunted. "Actually, when you consider who she works with, maybe she has better things to do than contemplate her boss's ass--ets." All of the women burst out laughing at Gloria's comment. Scully grinned at them, feeling the warmth of the wine she had been drinking. "I didn't say I don't think Skinner's attractive. I just avoid being called on the carpet by him. Done it, no fun." She smiled at Gloria. "As for my partner, well, what about yours? Brian's no slouch in the looks department." "I know it. Believe me, and he's a great partner and a talented agent. But Brian is happily married. Mulder is not." Gloria snuck a look at the other women. "C'mon, Dana, give. What's the mysterious and delicious Fox Mulder really like?" Scully looked around the room. "Shari, why don't you tell us about Darren?" "Darren? He's okay, not the best partner I've ever had, but definitely not the worst." "Who's the worst?" Gloria asked. "Mike Delano. God, what an idiot!" Shari shivered. "He was a good agent, but a total pig. Treated me like a secretary." She held up her hand to Kim. "Nothing against being a secretary-- I'm sure Skinner couldn't find his own desk without you. But Mike tended to bark orders and brush me off like a piece of fluff. Basically, he did all the stuff you said Skinner doesn't. Oh, except for the fact that he did make moves on me." "Why not report him?" Angela asked. "And get a rep as a man-hating troublemaker? No thanks. You all know how these guys can be. I had nothing concrete other than a bad attitude. So I put in for a transfer. Told them it was for family reasons. You've gotta remember this was almost twenty years ago. Things have gotten better." "So who was the best?" Scully asked. "Jack Little." Shari grinned wickedly. "You married your partner?" Scully laughed. "I had no idea you and Jack worked together." "Years ago. When I first got to D.C." She smiled at the group. "We hit it off immediately. I knew within days I wanted him. A year later we were married." Gloria sniffed. "I'm jealous. All my partners until Brian have been pretty bad. Mostly *experienced* agents who weren't real thrilled about working with a *girl*." "How many have you had?" Scully asked curiously. "Four, including Brian. It can take a while to get the chemistry right. How many have you had, Dana?" Scully turned a bit pink. "One." "Mulder was your first?" Gloria asked, shocked. Scully nodded. "First time lucky, I guess." "I'll say. Damn! First partner and you get that. Wow! Now, I am jealous." Scully looked surprised. "What's there to be jealous of?" "Listen, Darren is a good partner. A great partner even, but Mulder he's just so . . . mysterious." Scully had to stifle a laugh. "Mysterious?" "Come on, Dana. *Spooky* Mulder? Hell, half the women in the Hoover would give their left arm to get close to him," Shari said, smiling. "And as far as I can tell, the only woman he has *any* interest in, is his partner." Scully could feel her face warm. "Shari . . ." "What? Who else has he spent time with since you two have been partnered? I know he used to date on occasion, though not as often as some would have liked." Shari shot a knowing glance at Gloria, who just blinked at her innocently. "About all I know about him is that he is gorgeous, sexy and scary smart." "What else is there to know?" Scully looked at them over the rim of her wine glass. "C'mon, Dana. What's he really like? I've heard he has real old-fashioned manners. Is that true?" Gloria was determined. This earned a snicker from Kim. Gloria turned on her. "What's so funny?" "Nothing, really." All of a sudden the women were focussed on Kim again. "Tell," Gloria ordered. "Oh, it's nothing spectacular. It's just that he's always so polite. Most of the agents treat clerical staff and the executive assistants like we're a lower form of life. Not Agent Mulder. Even when he goes barging past me, I think he's nicer and more polite to me than most agents." Kim saw April Davies, another EA, nod in agreement. Scully just shook her head. No wonder he always got his paperwork pushed through. She realised Gloria was speaking to her again. "Okay, so we know he's polite. But I've also heard he has a few . . . problems, playing with the other agents in the sandbox." Scully set her wine glass down rather forcefully. "You can hardly blame Mulder for the small minds of others!" "Whoa, Dana! No one was blaming Mulder for anything. A tad protective, aren't we?" Gloria smirked. "So, why don't you tell us how easy he is to work with? Dispel all those nasty rumours, hmm?" Scully sighed. "Mulder isn't easy to work with. But not for the reasons you would normally think. His mind doesn't work like yours or mine. He's always going in ten directions at once. At first I found him very hard to keep up with, but now I don't really even try. He gets there in his way and I get there in mine." "Is he really *that* smart?" Gloria asked. Scully nodded. "He's brilliant. And not just in the normal way. He has the most amazing mind. He can wrap it around almost anything." She heard a few stifled snickers. "I'm not just talking about the paranormal. I mean everything. Even people. Everyone has a chance with Mulder, as long as they don't BS him." She shrugged. "He's an incredible partner and a very good friend. He trusts me and has no problem depending on me, or letting me know he needs me. He has a strength that is just mind-blowing, and he isn't selfish about sharing it." "But what's he *really* like? Away from work, out of those sexy suits?" Shari asked. "He's, well, he's Mulder. I can honestly say I have never met anyone like him. There are times when I can just sit and watch him. When he's *really* focussed on something, and believe me Mulder can focus, I can watch him for hours. He has great hands, long, elegant fingers that are never still when he thinks. They play constantly, doodling, fidgeting and all I can think about is . . . well, anyhow. He gets this little wrinkle between his eyes when he thinks and he sucks on that damn lip. Sometimes I just want to . . ." Scully cleared her throat and took a deep breath, as did the others. "Anyways. He's smart, as you mentioned, and funny, in a rather oddball fashion. One minute he can be very sweet in an affectionate puppy kind of way, all sweet smiles, gentle touches and sad eyes. The next minute he's deadly serious and his touch burns. And his eyes . . . God, he can make me feel like nothing matters but me. It's at those moments I would give anything to know how that beautiful mind works." Scully looked around the room and realised that the others were staring wide-eyed at her. "What?" she asked innocently. "I knew you two were close, but . . . Wow!" Gloria took a long drink. "And you're telling us nothing has ever happened between you?" Scully nodded unhappily. "The timing has always been wrong." "Oh, bullshit!" Gloria exploded. "Pardon me?" Scully asked primly. "*Pardon me*," Gloria mimicked. "*Timing* has dick all to do with it. *You* are a coward. And from what you've just said, he's as big a chicken-shit as you are." Gloria grabbed another drink. "Hell, if I worked with a stunning man who worshipped *me*, I wouldn't wait for the *timing* to be right." "Glor' . . ." "Dana, have you ever listened to yourself when you talk about him? Seen your face when you're with him? Have you ever looked closely at his? Damn it, girl, jump him! He'll thank you for it. Believe me." She grinned evilly. "And then, since it was my idea, I expect a humble apology and a thank you from you, too." I'll keep that in mind, Gloria," Scully said smiling and shaking her head. "Just do us both a favour, don't hold your breath." J. Edgar Hoover Building Monday, 8:47 a.m. Both men were silent as the screen went blank. "I-- well-- um--" Was the best Mulder could come up with. "Yeah," was all Skinner said. They contemplated the blank screen for a moment. "She thinks my mind is beautiful?" Mulder whispered. "Dana Scully thinks my mind is beautiful." "Yeah, well, Kim thinks I'm, well . . ." Skinner removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Drop-dead gorgeous and so sexy you make her toes curl," Mulder quoted. "Shut up, Mulder. I was going to say considerate." Skinner stood and went to the window. "Of course you were, Sir. I'm sure all that stuff about being sweet and funny meant nothing." Mulder grinned as Skinner's shoulders stiffened. "She was probably just trying to impress the other women." Skinner turned quickly. He couldn't quite manage to wipe the stricken look from his face. "Of course, that's it," he said gruffly. "You're telling me you're just going to let this go?" Mulder asked incredulously. "You have a beautiful woman saying she has more than a slight interest in you, and you're not going to do anything about it?" "What would you have me do, Agent Mulder?" "Take her out for dinner, ask her for lunch, go see a show. I don't know, but don't do *nothing*!" "This from the man who has been in love with his partner for, how long is it now, Mulder, seven years?" Skinner grinned when Mulder began to squirm. "It's not the same thing," Mulder protested. Skinner snorted. "Of course not. You just listened to the woman you love tell a whole room full of her friends that she's in love with you. It most definitely is *not* the same thing." "So, Sir. You're saying that you have no interest at all in Kimberly? That she's just your assistant?" Mulder crossed his arms in front of his chest. "She *is* my assistant, Mulder. She's very important to me here. She's very good at what she does and she makes my job a whole lot easier." "So why don't you let her try to make your life a 'whole lot easier,' Sir?" Skinner couldn't come up with a good reason. He was still formulating his comeback when there was a knock on the door. "Come in." "Good morning, Sir. I just wanted to let you know I'm here and that Agent Scully is waiting to see you." Kim was having trouble meeting Skinner's eyes. She was still feeling a bit embarrassed after her outburst Saturday night. Skinner opened his mouth and no sound came out. "Sir, are you okay?" Kim rushed to his side. "Are you ill?" Mulder had to turn his back to regain his composure. He never would have thought the AD could be so easily unsettled. He almost lost it completely with Kim's next words. "How 'bout I get you a cup of coffee, Sir? I brought cookies this morning. I know you have meetings all day and will likely skip lunch. Let me go get them." She left the room quickly almost running over Scully in the process. "Sir-- Mulder? What's going on? Where was Kim going in such a hurry?" Scully asked. "She was a bit worried about the AD so she went to get him some coffee and cookies. Think they'll be white chocolate macadamia nut, Sir?" Mulder teased, not thinking. "White choco- Oh, God!" Scully's face paled. Mulder felt his face lose colour. Shit. "Mulder?" "Yes, Scully?" "How did you know that Kim brought the AD white chocolate macadamia nut cookies?" "Good guess?" Mulder asked hopefully. Scully shook her head. She could feel the blood rushing back to her face with a vengeance. Mulder held up the tape. "Someone sent us a copy of the tape from Angela Ross's bridal shower." "Oh." She looked everywhere but at her partner. "Scully, I--" Skinner, having recovered the use of language, interrupted their little talk. "Would you two mind finishing this elsewhere? I would like to speak to Kimberly alone." Both agents straightened a bit. "Of course, Sir," Scully said heading for the door. "And Mulder--" Skinner stopped him. "Try taking your own advice. I intend to." "Sir--" "That's an order, Agent." He actually grinned. Mulder was speechless for a moment. Then he grinned back. "Yes, Sir!" And he followed his partner out of the office. "Sir? Is everything okay?" Kimberly entered the office with a bag and cup of coffee. "Yeah, everything's fine, Kim." He smiled at her. She blushed slightly as she set the bag and cup on his desk. "Will that be all, Sir?" "Actually, no." Skinner moved to stand next to her. "What are your dinner plans for this evening, Kimberly?" The End ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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