Welcome To The Harem
A Mother's Work is Never Done by Wickdzoot
Summary: Sometimes, the Deification of Motherhood makes a party gag-- especially for Maggie Scully. Humour.
Rating: Quite PG
Summary: Sometimes, the Deification of Motherhood makes a party gag--
especially for Maggie Scully
A Mother's Work is Never Done
Standing in her diningroom, Maggie Scully serenely surveyed her dinner
arrangements and smiled, the smile of a Madonna, the smile of a saint. The
smile of a woman whose plans were going precisely as she intended.
"Mom?" Her daughter's voice made her turn, still smiling. She nodded
approval at Dana's sensible pantsuit and opened her arms for a fondly
maternal embrace as Dana entered the diningroom, carrying a typically
tasteful floral arrangement. "Happy Mother's Day, Mom."
"Thank you, Dana, dear," Maggie murmured and pressed her cheek to her
daughter's lovingly. "I'm so glad you could join us."
"Is Charlie really going to be here?"
"Yes, yes, he's upstairs right now, taking a shower." Maggie drew back,
cupping her daughter's cheek tenderly. "And Bill is actually in town, if
you can imagine that. All my children will be here."
Dana's eyes grew overbright. "That's great, Mom."
Maggie patted her gently, understanding instinctively that their thoughts
both had gone to the missing child--Melissa. Killed by mistake instead of
Dana. "Now, would you like to help me in the kitchen, Dana?" The doorbell
rang as Dana formed an answer. "Oh, why don't you get that, sweetheart, I
need to check on the ham."
Dana nodded and turned back toward the door. Humming to herself, Maggie
made her way back to the kitchen and opened the oven to admire the glaze on
Very nice indeed, and she would take it out now, to allow it to cool
slightly for slicing, put the rolls in to heat properly. Everything was
going to be just perfect. Humming again, she went back out to see who had
arrived and was amused to find Dana and Fox Mulder staring at each other in
"You left me a message, Scully," Mulder was saying.
Maggie's serene smile returned. "No, actually, I did, Fox. I'm sorry, I
wanted to make sure you'd come. Your mother should be here any minute."
Mulder's eyes widened slightly. "She will?" he asked, sounding as if
someone had their hands around his throat. "I--er, Mrs. Scully."
She took his arm and led him into the house. "Now, Fox, I know you and
your mother don't always see eye to eye, but she's still your mother."
For a moment, she thought he was going to protest, but he evidently thought
better of it. "I know." Almost meekly.
She offered him an approving nod. "Dana, why don't you and Fox bring out
the hors d'ouevres from the refrigerator for me, and get some ice for
Dana still had that silly look of bafflement on her face. "Okay, Mom."
Maggie smiled again. Yes, this was going to be a delightful evening. Just
the way she'd planned.
It became clear, as the evening progressed, that Dana was not the only one
of her guests to feel bafflement. Among other strong emotions.
Bill could scarcely bring himself to be civil to Fox Mulder, and Teena
Mulder, while courteous, was likewise baffled by the invitation. Maggie
simply kept her serenity and kept the conversation going whenever it showed
signs of lagging.
Really, though, Charlie needed a wife, his table manners were slowly
degenerating under the influence of the Navy. Wife or not, Bill was
drinking far more than he ought, it was a pity that her maternal talk had
done little to mend that. Dana....well, it wasn't truly Dana's fault, but
a childless career woman wasn't quite what she'd wanted for her daughter.
No, indeed, nor what her late husband Bill had wanted, either. Ah, well,
if one hoped too much for one's children, one was doomed to disappointment.
After all, once they became teenagers, it was debatable if they were even
really the same children held to your breast, she mused inwardly, watching
Fox Mulder nervously watching his mother.
Still, dinner proceeded at an orderly pace and she was pleased to see that
everyone tried every dish. Dessert was a deep dish berry cobbler that
vanished in no time at all.
"Mom, this is great," Dana told her. "I'm not going to be able to eat for
a week after this."
Maggie smiled at her. "Now, darling, you've got nothing to worry about,
you look wonderful."
"This was very kind of you, Maggie," Teena Mulder offered, sipping at her
coffee. "And the coffee is wonderful."
"I'm so glad you were able to come," Maggie told her kindly.
At that moment, Charlie dropped his face into his dessert dish with
sufficient force that the dish cracked.
Maggie sighed. "Really, that boy never did learn not to gobble his food."
"Charlie," Bill growled, "Don't be an ass. How much has he had to drink
"Not as much as you, Bill, dear." Maggie sighed and took a sip of her
Dana leaned over to her brother. "Charlie?" Worriedly.
Mulder frowned. "Scully, I don't think he's breathing, he's got cobbler in
"Of course he's not, Fox, dear," Maggie told him approvingly. Mulder had
always been exceptionally bright. "He's dead."
Dana touched her brother's throat and emitted a sort of muffled shriek.
"Jesus Christ, Mom, he's dead."
"I think that's what I said, dear." Maggie smiled and took another sip of
Mulder's head turned, he stared at Maggie. "Oh. My. God."
Dana tipped over her chair backing it out. "Mulder, Bill, help me, we've
got to start CPR."
Nobody moved. "Dana, dear, it won't do any good," Maggie rose and went to
her daughter, put her arms around her. "Just sit down, sweetheart."
Dana stared at her, and her lower lip began to tremble. "Mom?"
"Yes, dear." Maggie patted her, retrieved the chair and guided her
daughter into it. "I'm afraid it's true, Charlie is gone."
"Scully." Mulder's voice again sounded somewhat strangled. "I think we're
Maggie smiled at him approvingly. Very bright indeed. Teena Mulder had
gone white as the table linen. Bill was frowning as though he hadn't quite
figured it out--Maggie sighed inwardly and returned to her chair.
"Mrs. Scully." Mulder pushed his chair back a little. "What did you use?"
Maggie poured herself fresh coffee. "Oh, a variety of things, Fox. Don't
worry, they're all quite, quite painless."
"Why, Mom?" Dana's eyes were wet with tears. "Why did you kill Charlie?"
Poor Dana. Shock was dulling her mental processes. Reaching out, Maggie
took her daughter's hand. "Darling, it wasn't just Charlie." Very gently.
Mulder made a strangled sound, got up and went for the phone.
Maggie smiled again. He was game, was Fox, but she'd already taken care of
the telephone. And the cellphones, for that matter, a little matter of a
disruptive electromagnetic field generated by a delightful little machine.
"Don't worry, darling, it's not going to hurt a bit."
Mulder came back, his eyes wild. "The phone's dead, Scully and my cell
isn't working, where is yours?"
Dana blinked. "In my bag, Mulder. On the couch."
He vanished again. Bill had finally put it together, sort of--he scowled
at Dana. "Dana, are you accusing Mom of doing something to Charlie?"
"Bill, dear, shut the hell up," Maggie suggested, suddenly feeling just the
teensiest bit of irritation. "Really, I can't imagine what your father
would think of you nowadays."
Bill bristled, but not for long--with a muffled thump, he slid off his
chair and under the table.
Dana gave another little shriek. "Mom, why?"
"Well, darling, it's this new job I have," Maggie told her kindly. "You
know, since your father died, I haven't been content to simply stay home,
and volunteer work is only moderately rewarding. My new employer, however,
offers generous medical coverage--and you know, I'm not getting any
younger--and wonderful side benefits."
Dana moaned. "Oh, God, Mom, what have you done?"
Teena Mulder put a hand to her throat. "I'm not feeling very well," she
"Oh, dear." Maggie drew back, eyeing Teena with concern. "Is it your
heart? Really, you shouldn't be feeling a thing."
Teena's eyes rolled up into her head even as Mulder came back, looking even
more wild-eyed. "Mom!"
"That's better," Maggie approved.
Mulder caught his mother before she fell and cradled her. "Mom!"
"Really, dear, you're better off," Maggie advised "After all, she hasn't
exactly been the most attentive mother, has she?"
"Mom." Dana opened her mouth and closed it, looking not unlike a goldfish
removed from the bowl. "Mom, I've got to arrest you." Horrified blue eyes
met hers. "Mom, oh, God, what have you done?"
Obviously, Dana thought she'd simply gone round the bend in a rather Grand
Guignol manner. Ah, well, it was difficult to understand one's children
and equally difficult for them to understand her. "Darling, I don't think
you understand. It wasn't personal in the least."
Mulder suddenly toppled over, still holding on to his mother's body.
Dana shrieked again, far more loudly. "He's dead!"
"I'm afraid so, Dana." Maggie rose and kissed her daughter's cheek,
ignoring the insulting way Dana flinched. She patted Dana's shoulder.
"I'm sorry to leave before you're gone, sweetheart, but I do have a prior
"Why, Mom, why?" Dana rose, tried to seize Maggie's wrist. "Don't just
tell me it was a job, what kind of job would require you to kill your own
"Well," Maggie admitted, "I did throw Bill and Charlie in there just
because I wanted to, I admit. Charlie was just a waste of skin and breath,
and Bill was so unkind to Tara so much of the time. You and Fox and Teena,
though--that was professional."
Dana gaped at her, comprehension finally arriving right on time.
Maggie smiled again and kissed her daughter's cheek. "Truly, darling,
there wasn't anything personal in it." Dana swayed suddenly. "Here,
darling, sit down again, you don't want to be in an undignified sprawl when
they find you."
A sound at the doorway and Maggie turned, sighed. "I know, I know, Alex,
I'm running late. But just give me a half a minute."
The handsome man with the green eyes nodded. "No problem, I'm early.
"Alex Krycek," Dana hissed and laid her head on the table. "I knew you had
to be behind this."
"Darling, that's more than just a teensy exaggeration," Maggie reproved.
"Now close your eyes, sweetheart, and go gentle unto that good night."
Another sob, broken off in the middle, and Dana's blue eyes regarded her
lifelessly. Maggie closed them and sighed. "A mother's work is never
done," she murmured. "All right, Alex, let me get my coat--my bag is up in
my room if you wouldn't mind."
"Not at all."
And Maggie smiled serenely. "That would be lovely."