Welcome To The Harem

Always on My Mind by Amanda
Summary: Yves musing, thinking about Jimmy. Jimmy/Yves, PG.

Title: Always on my Mind

By: Amanda

Feedback: greenfreakgirl@tomgreen.com

Rating: PG

Summary: Yves musing ? thinking about Jimmy

Date Finish: July 12, 2001

The VW Van ? back

2:23 a.m.

I hate being crammed in the back of this van. All of Langly?s
things everywhere. If anyone ever told me that I?d be hanging
around this group, I would have laughed in their face. It is
an odd turn of events really. Looking around at Frohike and
Byers in the front and Langly and Jimmy in the back with me,
I can tell not one of them fully trusts me?.with the exception
of Jimmy, who made it a point to sit back here with me. He is
the exception to all of them. There is something about him.
He is so warm, open, loyal, kind, caring?.and the list could
go on. I am sure Byers, Frohike and even Langly are too, in
their own ways. But Jimmy, he?s different. A good kind of
different. He lets all that show. He isn?t afraid or
embarrassed to let everyone know he is like that. There is a
type of bravery to that. One I don?t have. And despite what
they say, he isn?t all that dumb. He is smart, just in a
different way. Byers is intellectual. Frohike is decisive.
And Langly is damn good with computers. Though I would never
tell him. Jimmy, he knows people. His eyes?.those blue eyes
just stare into you. They read you and see who you really
are, deep down. It makes me a little nervous knowing he can
see that venerable side of me. I have worked so hard to build
up those walls?.but he instantly takes them down.

He is so trusting. I think he would put his life in my hands.
But I would do anything to avoid having him in danger. Having
his sleeping head on my shoulder makes life seem so normal.
He makes me feel so normal. I wonder if any of them worry
about feeling ?normal?. That is odd too. I spend so much
time with these men, but I know nothing about whom they are.
But than, they don?t know who I am either. Though, Jimmy is
so close to finding me. That scares me. What if who he finds
isn?t what he expects? I can?t find that out. I refuse to
be hurt?.again. Though I think he?d do anything not to hurt
me. He?s convinced he loves me?. Why don?t I find that
laughable? Maybe because I think I could love him too. But
no, I don?t fit into that category of women, the ones who
find love and have their happy homes and children. I?m on
the other side of the white picket fences and manicured
lawns. Destined to live alone.

"Yo! Earth to Yves," Langly broke into my thoughts, "You
with us?" He was waving his hand in front of my face.

"Oh, yes," I think I?m blushing, but it?s not like any of
them could know what I was thinking about.

"Well, Byers has been asking you a question," Langly gave
me an eyebrow statement.

"Byers, I?m sorry," I was embarrassed. I think it was Langly
accusing statement, "I must be tired."

Byers nodded, "Where do you want us to drop you off, Yves?"

The real place I would like to go tonight?.home with Jimmy.
I could never admit to that. And never will. I would rather
appear to be an Ice Queen than leave myself open.

"Just over here," I point to an apparent ?nowhere? location.
They don?t really know how close they are to my home. I do
feel bad for not letting them ?in?. But I am just not like
that. I wish I had that, like Jimmy does.

"Yes madam," Frohike nods and turns the van in the side of
the road.

Langly leans on the back of the seats, whispering something
to his comrades.

I lightly lifted Jimmy?s head off my shoulder and delicately
rest it on the side of the van. I let my hand drift down his
face, "Goodnight Jimmy," I lightly and quickly kissed his
cheek. A smile formed on his face.

The van stopped and I instantly opened the door.

"Thanks for the help Yves," Byers said when he hear the door
click open.

"Couldn?t have done it without you," Frohike turned to smile
at me.

I simply smiled and nodded in reply. Langly waved his hand as
he pushed Jimmy?s feet away from ?his side? of the van.

I hopped out of the van and closed the door. It had become
very cold. Jimmy had given me his jacket when we left the
Karaoke Bar, I tightened it around myself. At least I can
have a part of him with me tonight.

I walked, alone toward a little plain looking building.
?Honey, I?m home.? Too bad no one would be there to greet me.