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Ilium Fruit by Bobbi
Summary: I don't know when I'll get around to acceptin' that any `justice' that Lukesh may see won't bring you back. Written for the Harem Six Feet Under challenge.
TITLE: Ilium Fuit AUTHOR: Bobbi AmericanPadme@aol.com SUMMARY: I don't know when I'll get around to acceptin' that any `justice' that Lukesh may see won't bring you back. KEYWORDS: AU, Doggett, Reyes, DRR (implied), character death, Doggett POV DISCLAIMER: Even though Chris may be done with them, that unfortunately doesn't make them mine. ARCHIVE: E-mail me and ask. FEEDBACK: Compliments and criticisms will be welcomed at AmericanPadme@aol.com - all feedback will be replied to - eventually. SPOILERS: 4-D, Season Nine AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was written for the Harem `Six Feet Under' challenge number two. I chose to place Doggett at Monica's funeral in the parallel universe in 4-D. The title, Latin for "Ilium has been" was said of Troy after its destruction; it is now applied to anything that is past and gone. As hard as the subject matter was for me after the recent death of one of my best friends, this was a challenge I wanted to try. ___________________________________________________________________ Open casket. I guess I was kinda hopin'... that it'd be closed. That that'd be one pain I would be spared. Staring into your face, now forever asleep, and knowing that you, too, have followed my son into the oblivion that lies after death. They managed to fix you up - sew up your throat. This isn't how I want to remember you. I don't want to remember you lyin' here, lifeless, pale, white as porcelain. I don't wanna remember you as I walked past you and saw your throat bleeding so badly that I knew it was beyond repair. I hope you understand me leavin' you there with Brad - ultimately, to die. I had to get revenge. I couldn't let the man who killed you go on. I had to see justice served, in whatever form that may be. I don't know when I'll get around to acceptin' that any `justice' that Lukesh may see won't bring you back. I blame only myself now. For selfishly bringin' you here, taking you away from the actual life you had back in New Orleans. Damnit, Monica, I brought you here to help me, and I ended up killing you. If I wouldn't have asked, if I wouldn't have brought you here to find Scully's dead man. Maybe it's selfish of me to say, but I'd rather have Mulder be the dead one than you. Monica, you were always so selfless. I can't remember a time when you looked out for yourself. It was always everybody else. Damn your selflessness, Monica. Damn your willingness to drop everything you knew to come here and help me. Damn the way your eyes sparkled when you looked at me, because now I'll never know if it meant anything. And damn my inability to move forward from things past to tell you how I actually felt, how much you actually meant to me. Dead. I've never been able to accept it as final; still can't. I never let go of Luke, and I'll never be able to let go of you. How ironic, in the way that the evil irony of the world is, that the woman who found my son, the woman who helped me see meaning in life when I saw none, is now dead. Because of me. Sure, Lukesh killed you, Lukesh was the one who held the knife, who slashed your throat - but it was me who brought you here. I brought you here. I brought you here for some goddamn quest that shouldn't even be mine. I brought you to this godforsaken office to chase spaceships and things I never believed in - but most of all, I brought you because I had to see you. An' then when I saw you, I couldn't tell you. I brought you here to tell you what I never could. That I love you. I guess I'm hopin' that this is some kind of bad dream. That I'll wake up soon enough, and you'll be there. That you'll sigh your sigh, smile your smile, your eyes will light up when you look at me... and I'll tell you. Ever since it happened, you've been my waking and sleeping thought. When I'm thinkin' about something else, you're still there. You're in my mind all the time. If there was only something, anything... But in this cruel world, there's nothing. I never imagined, when I brought here, that you'd end up like Luke. In what turned out to be the final chapter of your life, I never coulda dreamed that you'd end up six feet under. You were the only one who could convince me to more forward. From here on, it'll only be backward. -end- FIN ___________________________________
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